Just something I had a sudden spark to write, wanted to get peoples opinions on it. Not thought of a title for it or anything, but if I am to writer any more of it, this would probably be the prologue. So yeah... without further ado here is my little 1 page prologue to a non-existant story (It is a page long btw)

The sound of a size 12 shoe crunching the snow loudly as a person rushed to work on foot; the light laughter of a woman, obviously depressed, yet trying to feebly cover the truth up, probably to stop someone worrying about her; the 'click' of a light switch from the next block over; a door closing as another person leaves for work, or someone arrives home from a walk, the persistent barking of an Abyssinian wolf hound a few miles away.

These were just a few of the things I could hear, standing above one of London's streets that are filled with the hustle of Christmas shopping. Nobody would see me from where I was, I could be standing here naked and yet nobody would look up. Their instinctive fear of me would keep their eyes from looking where I am, and that's just the way I like it, I can control myself better without them looking at me, which is a vital thing to be able to do when you are new, and an amazing feat if you could manage without. You see, I’m not an ordinary human being, no... I’m much more than that.

I was, however, an ordinary human being yesterday. It’s the only day I can remember, the day I met ‘her’ with that astounding, high pitched voice that seemed to lull me into her arms, as it has probably lulled so many before me. That was the day I went from being just a regular human being, walking down an alley behind the closed down McDonalds to get back to the foster home in time – If anyone was late, they had to sleep outside, and it was particularly cold that day – when ‘She’ stepped out from thin air like a magician turning a flower into a pair of doves.

Her body was perfect, an icy cool, hourglass figure that had a slight glow to it. My first impressions was that she was an angel, not sure why she'd be looking for me, yet it excited me, compelled me to get closer, to feel her breathe and to drown myself in pure lust. That was... Until I felt a searing pain in my neck; my entire body went rigid with a pain worse than anything I had ever felt before, it was as if I was being torn apart at an atomic level, I wanted to die, and soon I would.

That was the day I became what I am.
That was the day I became a monster.
That was the day I became a vampire.

Story is in blue, that's all I have so far. If anyones got any ideas, criticism, help, corrections... whatever to help either spur me into writing more or just improving what I have here that would be awsome!

Thanks alot guys and gals, hopefully I can keep this going and eventually I'll have my very own story all nicely written up on here and saved in my laptop
Oli

Not anything against your story but vampires is getting old now. Make up your own monster or fins another blood feeding creature. thats my opinion anyway.

It's good. someone has been reading too many Darren Shan novels. lol. xD The best story's in novels are usually those which have been stolen and adapted from other novels or from an experience of the authors which has been exaggerated and turned into an extreme fictional story. Well that is what my English teacher says lol. Good start. As for idea's on where to go next, there are not too many options to be honest that haven't already been explored by other authors regarding the vampire storyline. The fighting and reluctance to the feeding on humans is where i see yours going tbh.

eskimo wrote:


Never heard of Darren Shan so wouldn't know anything to steal from him
I'm thinking along the lines of there being some sort of 'cure' for the hole vampire thing, make it more like a curse than a permanant change. Of course if I do go along those lines, the main character doesn't know of it being that yet, so it'll be interesting to see what I can come up with as to him finding it all out and deciding if he wants to be human again or not

Again, no idea if that's been thought up yet either, but it's something that I just had an urge to do, so if it's been used or not, will not matter to me